You're Never Fully Dressed

Sometimes what you’re wearing from head to toe is what matters.

I recently found myself back at a guy's apartment sharing a beer after we had been watching football with friends at a bar. This is a guy, who I have been on one date with, enjoyed his company, and since he doesn’t live far from me, was willing to share a night-cap. I was fully aware that he could potentially plant one on me. The evening took it’s usual course – open the beer, sit on the couch, listen to music, make conversation, and then pick your right moment to go in for the kill. Kissing not too aggressive and not too awkward. He stood up at one point, which was the sign that he wanted to go into the bedroom. I was fine with a little bit of horizontal action, PG-rated horizontal action, that is. Anyway, after drinking copious amounts of liquid, one usually finds themselves in need of some relief, so I said “I have to use the restroom.” Please note, that this was not said in a seductive, sexy way. Nor did it have the tone of “wait right there, mister. I’ll be right back.” It especially did not imply what I found when I came out of the bathroom.

I opened the door only to find that this guy had taken off ALL of his clothes. Okay, he left the boxers on, but what? It was wrong on so many levels. My gut reaction, an honest reaction, was to burst out into laughter – which I did, in his face. And I said “Oh my God, you just took off all of your clothes.” And he said “yeah,” (as in what’s the big deal), and too confused for words I just said “so we’re clear on one thing, my clothes are not coming off.” And then he's like, "you can at least take off your sweater." I know this story brings out my prudish side, but come on, there are signals and signs that a woman gives off if she wants to get busy. None of which were emitted by me that evening. I don’t even think I have that capability, period (sad, but true). It was a very presumptuous move and makes me wonder if it has worked for him in the past.

So, your clothes may be Beau Brummelly, but leave them on for a while, cuz brother three-fourths of the fun is getting to take each other’s clothes off! (when appropriate signal applies)