Thursday, October 05, 2006

Drool on This

One of the more fascinating job responsibilities I have is to research items to give out at expo's, to clients, or for holiday gifts, etc. (please note that I correctly used "holiday"). Gifts that are more lovingly referred to in the marketing world as "promotional products", "give-aways", "tsatskes"...or as I like to call them "trash", "crap", and "what the hell am I supposed to do with cheese knives etched with your ugly-ass logo, do you think I'm really going to impress my guests with this?"

Even scarier than the logo-etched cheese knives is the "Drooling Serenity Fountain" that I just came acrosss - yes they used "drool" and "serenity" in the same product name. I mean, I guess I drool when I sleep, and when I sleep I'm serene, but get one look at this masterpiece and you'll certainly find the irony...You may even drool a little bit, but more out of fright than envy.

This thing makes me feel lots of things - none of which can be defined as serene. I mean, first of all he's staring (and making no issue about it), and secondly, he's drooling - just an overall rude fountain if you ask me. Can anyone tell me if looking at this makes them feel comfortable? Did SunTrust authorize this as a gift? If so, I highly suggest switching institutions.

Oddly enough this fountain has a somewhat mesmerizing effect, and I can't help but stare at it 9(maybe because it's so freakin' serene) - not only in shock and awe - but b/c of something more familiar . Something out of my childhood - out of a fantasy world. Take me to Fantasia! Did somebody say - Rockbiter?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Haley's Tip of Month

On reveling in your single youth...

We might still, at 27 years old, go through several serious boyfriends and breakups before finding the person we'll be with for the rest of our lives. Try to get over the whole stereo-type/pressures to be with someone and have kids and crap. Remember to enjoy these years because we're not going to get them back.

Monday, October 02, 2006

A Fraction of Hope: Cuz I Ain't No Challah Back Girl


I was raised, baptized and confirmed in the Presbyterian Church. I wouldn't call my family uber religious - meaning we didn't go to church every Sunday (my father said "you don't have to go to church to believe in God"), but we all believe in a higher power in our own way. If my family practices any sort of religion it would be the Southern Religion - worshiping good food, great music, exaggeration and antique furniture.

I remember at a young age, we would gather 'round the dining room table at my maternal grandparents' home in Ocean Springs, MS - we were very quick to say the blessing so we could move on to the toasts. I recall that after every toast my grandmother would raise her glass and say - "L'Chaim" (la - kai - hem, the "hem" rattled with your best phlegm). Most goyems don't know this term, but it means "to life" in yiddish. I thought it fascinating, that she spoke a language that none of us knew - and we would of course respond with great naches, "L'Chaim."

This is the first memory I have of my grandmother's intrigue with the Jewish culture and religion - it wasn't until about 10 years or so later that it would become a recurring topic of conversation, and something that I would embrace. This is because in those 10 years I came to find out that we (my brother, sister and I) are in fact 1/16 Jewish. Which, to me, put my life into an entirely different perspective. I mean, I was now, for all intents and purposes, a pale-skinned, blonde-haired, button-nosed Jew - how diverse! Lest we forget, exaggeration was mentioned as being part of the Southern Religion, so this fraction may or may not be distorted (one will never know). And even better than the fraction of my Judaism is the fact that it doesn't even come from my grandmother's side, it comes from my grandfather's side, which according to the Jewish religion - doesn't make me Jewish at all, but mazel to my grandmother for embracing her husband's heritage and passing it on! And yes, it is a little Gefilte-fishy that my grandfather never mentions this background, but let's just go with it for the sake of the blog.

Now that I'm sailing past my mid-twenties, my grandmother's Jewish alter-ego has taken an entirely different direction (insert song - "Matchmaker"). Over the years I have had the privelage of growing my mispoche of Jewish men (Jlo, Big Head, Geranimo, Ginsu, etc) - some of the finest, smartest, well-dressed, and did I mention funniest? people I know. After my grandmother learned about what knakers I was befriending, I realized how much she wanted this shikse to be a part of the clan:

Hinting: "well you know, Jared, Ginger Ann is 1/16 Jewish" (eh? eh?). Planning: "I have always wanted to decorate a chuppah. It would look great in the yard." Complimenting: "I have always said that Jewish men give the best jewelry and make the best lovers." Pushing: "why don't you just go ahead and marry one of those little jew- boys. Women shouldn't have children after the age of 30."

With all of the not-so-subtle hints, I wonder - does my wise grandmother truly believe Judaism to be my destination? Is she just wanting me to live out a life that she only 1/4 had? I have participated in a Seder…I have always enjoyed a good bar/bat mitvah…and challah bread souffle…halt din zoken!

So whether your grandmother wants you to be Jewish, you're a fraction, a wannabe, or just want to know more - the following references will be very helpful in your quest: