Drool on This

One of the more fascinating job responsibilities I have is to research items to give out at expo's, to clients, or for holiday gifts, etc. (please note that I correctly used "holiday"). Gifts that are more lovingly referred to in the marketing world as "promotional products", "give-aways", "tsatskes"...or as I like to call them "trash", "crap", and "what the hell am I supposed to do with cheese knives etched with your ugly-ass logo, do you think I'm really going to impress my guests with this?"

Even scarier than the logo-etched cheese knives is the "Drooling Serenity Fountain" that I just came acrosss - yes they used "drool" and "serenity" in the same product name. I mean, I guess I drool when I sleep, and when I sleep I'm serene, but get one look at this masterpiece and you'll certainly find the irony...You may even drool a little bit, but more out of fright than envy.

This thing makes me feel lots of things - none of which can be defined as serene. I mean, first of all he's staring (and making no issue about it), and secondly, he's drooling - just an overall rude fountain if you ask me. Can anyone tell me if looking at this makes them feel comfortable? Did SunTrust authorize this as a gift? If so, I highly suggest switching institutions.

Oddly enough this fountain has a somewhat mesmerizing effect, and I can't help but stare at it 9(maybe because it's so freakin' serene) - not only in shock and awe - but b/c of something more familiar . Something out of my childhood - out of a fantasy world. Take me to Fantasia! Did somebody say - Rockbiter?