Dear Prudence

I recently found myself involved in a pretty good vertical make-out. i thought I was doing fine considering it had been a while since I last swapped some serious spit. But then I realized that just a few steep stairs up, was an actual bed, which meant that this thing could turn horizontal at any moment. I mean, I came prepared for the horizontal, bikini wax and shaved legs, but honestly those were extremem cosmetic measures that needed to be taken care of whether I wasremoving my jeans for a shower, or having my jeans removed by some lucky guy. And don't get me wrong, I love a good horizontal session. The anxiety sets in when I start to realize that clothes are going to come off sooner or later. And don't get me wrong, I like a little flesh-on-flesh, but the hyper-anxiety sets in when I think "how much flesh?"

You see, even at the mature age of 28 I still fancy myself a bit of a prude. And while I may be a 28 year old prude, you never know what kinds of 28 year olds your guy has gotten with. Another point of confusion is my ability to talk a big game, but never actually produce. This can sometimes lead to aggravation when I bust out the ole hault hand-signal. Anyway, all of the confusion surrounding what is kosher for a late-twenties make-out normally leaves me flailing around like a fish out of water...or a fifth grader. Blushing, giggling, not really knowing where to put my hands, mortified/curious if a certain member peeks through the boxers, accidentally biting lower lips or elbowing their face or knocking porcelain, freaking out that I may weigh more than my actual make-out partner, freaking out that I may have in fact not shaved my legs...just generally freaking out. And your friends who normally envy your dating life usually cannot handle these stories. It's like going into details with them about a colonoscopy.

So when you talk about your prudishness to your friends and they're like "don't worry, you should only do what makes you comfortable?" I'm thinking feeling guilty might feel a lot better.