I am still recovering from a long weekend in Richmond, Virginia where I attended my best friend, Ashely Sauer's wedding (excuse me, now Ashley Sauer Oswalt). Perfect weekend, no detail spared, great people, lots of champagne, you get the point.
Instead of talking about the flowers at the rehearsal dinner, let's talk about the lame attempts that the single people make for a little weekend love. Now, as a single woman myself - and one of the only single bridesmaids - I prepared myself for the weekend and tried to look as good as I could get. However, I went into the weekend knowing that I didn't want to deal with any emotionally disturbed single groomsmen, drunk/half dressed wedding attendees, or random hotel guests for that matter. But mix in the alcohol, the euphoria of a wedding ceremony, and skimpy dresses, and it's all you can do to avoid it. I unfortunately, encountered about 3 lame attempts - 2 worth noting- throughout the 4 day weekend, which mathematically isn't all that bad.
Lame Attempt #1 (Friday Night, Post-Rehearsal Dinner): Everyone tends to drink twice as much on Friday nights before a wedding for the following reasons, (1) most everyone has gotten into town and is ecstatic to see one another, but mostly it's (2) that you have to stand up in a room full of crowded people with the pressure of saying something funny b/c of (1), but then the alcohol really makes you weep which leads to further humiliation and further drinking. I unfortunately was the victim of (2). Moving right along...after the rehearsal dinner we all attempted to go to a large bar where everyone could dance, drink, etc. but as soon as we entered the record scratched (see Animal House for further details), and we quickly went back to our ritzy downtown hotel. Having been seperated from my roommate, I went upstairs to bed only to find that I couldn't get my room key to work. Instead of doing what a normal person would do, I did what a tired, inebriated person would do...I lied down in the doorway to catch some Z's while waiting for my roommate to return. Having passed out in the meantime, I was awoken by two wedding goers asking if I was okay and offering one of the 2 beds in their room. I convinced them that I was cool and knew exactly what I was doing...so what did I do? I went downstairs to the hotel bar and attempted to mingle amongst those guests who had actually not been in the lying on the hotel carpet, shoes kicked off, mascara running on face, dress revealing undies state of mind. As I floated from table to table, my aisle partner (see emotionally distrubed single groomsmen) grabs me by the wrist and asks if I would like a drink. I politely declined and explained that I was headed upstairs to bed. Please note that there has been ZERO conversational exchange up to this point. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I deliberately avoided him given his past reputation. I removed my wrist from his hand and headed to the elevator bank only to find that I was being trailed by the same guy (did I mention that he had a TERRIBLE haircut). He gets into the elevator with me (still ignoring him), then follows me to the front desk while I explain to the desk clerk my predicament (key not working - still ignoring him). And as the nice desk clerk explains that he can't give me a key b/c the room is not under my name but that he will have security escort me, Trailer starts dog cussing the front desk clerk in an attempt to be chivalrous? impress me? get into my hotel room? (black curtain REMOVED) - "EXCUSE ME, I can take care of this myself!" I exclaimed. Trailer shuts up, and I go back into ignore mode. I zig zag back to the elevator bank, Trailer right behind me, get in the elevator with two people - Trailer and security guard. Trailer attempts to make idle conversation - i do not answer. Trailer follows me and the security guard to my room saying he just wants to make sure everything's "alright". Security guard lets me in - Trailer stunned as the door opens and my roommate has returned home! (I do believe in God) My question is this, did I miss something in the past year of having a sweet boyfriend? Is there no conversation required? Does he dig the "go to hell" vibe? Do you think the bride would mind if I switc
hed my aisle partner????
Instead of talking about the flowers at the rehearsal dinner, let's talk about the lame attempts that the single people make for a little weekend love. Now, as a single woman myself - and one of the only single bridesmaids - I prepared myself for the weekend and tried to look as good as I could get. However, I went into the weekend knowing that I didn't want to deal with any emotionally disturbed single groomsmen, drunk/half dressed wedding attendees, or random hotel guests for that matter. But mix in the alcohol, the euphoria of a wedding ceremony, and skimpy dresses, and it's all you can do to avoid it. I unfortunately, encountered about 3 lame attempts - 2 worth noting- throughout the 4 day weekend, which mathematically isn't all that bad.
Lame Attempt #1 (Friday Night, Post-Rehearsal Dinner): Everyone tends to drink twice as much on Friday nights before a wedding for the following reasons, (1) most everyone has gotten into town and is ecstatic to see one another, but mostly it's (2) that you have to stand up in a room full of crowded people with the pressure of saying something funny b/c of (1), but then the alcohol really makes you weep which leads to further humiliation and further drinking. I unfortunately was the victim of (2). Moving right along...after the rehearsal dinner we all attempted to go to a large bar where everyone could dance, drink, etc. but as soon as we entered the record scratched (see Animal House for further details), and we quickly went back to our ritzy downtown hotel. Having been seperated from my roommate, I went upstairs to bed only to find that I couldn't get my room key to work. Instead of doing what a normal person would do, I did what a tired, inebriated person would do...I lied down in the doorway to catch some Z's while waiting for my roommate to return. Having passed out in the meantime, I was awoken by two wedding goers asking if I was okay and offering one of the 2 beds in their room. I convinced them that I was cool and knew exactly what I was doing...so what did I do? I went downstairs to the hotel bar and attempted to mingle amongst those guests who had actually not been in the lying on the hotel carpet, shoes kicked off, mascara running on face, dress revealing undies state of mind. As I floated from table to table, my aisle partner (see emotionally distrubed single groomsmen) grabs me by the wrist and asks if I would like a drink. I politely declined and explained that I was headed upstairs to bed. Please note that there has been ZERO conversational exchange up to this point. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I deliberately avoided him given his past reputation. I removed my wrist from his hand and headed to the elevator bank only to find that I was being trailed by the same guy (did I mention that he had a TERRIBLE haircut). He gets into the elevator with me (still ignoring him), then follows me to the front desk while I explain to the desk clerk my predicament (key not working - still ignoring him). And as the nice desk clerk explains that he can't give me a key b/c the room is not under my name but that he will have security escort me, Trailer starts dog cussing the front desk clerk in an attempt to be chivalrous? impress me? get into my hotel room? (black curtain REMOVED) - "EXCUSE ME, I can take care of this myself!" I exclaimed. Trailer shuts up, and I go back into ignore mode. I zig zag back to the elevator bank, Trailer right behind me, get in the elevator with two people - Trailer and security guard. Trailer attempts to make idle conversation - i do not answer. Trailer follows me and the security guard to my room saying he just wants to make sure everything's "alright". Security guard lets me in - Trailer stunned as the door opens and my roommate has returned home! (I do believe in God) My question is this, did I miss something in the past year of having a sweet boyfriend? Is there no conversation required? Does he dig the "go to hell" vibe? Do you think the bride would mind if I switc
hed my aisle partner????Lame Attempt #2 (Saturday Night, Post-Reception): Instead of attempting a night out on the town, everyone decided to make their way back to the hotel bar (where I clearly had lots of luck the night before). So I went upstairs, stripped off my bridesmaid dress, woke up my roommate (having had too much to drink she had to bounce early) and demanded her to change and we strolled down together. We struck up convo with the usual crowd, but then I was approached by a handsome young man, residing in Atlanta, friends of the groom who insisted that we had talked extensively the night before. Must have been one of the other 135 blondes at the party (the only difference being that mine is real - don't know what that says about me, but just have to throw that out there). Anyway, I put on my usual witty, teasing charm, and it was working like wild fire. Before I knew it I was entertaining THREE young men. As we were chatting, the Handsome Atlantan had wandering hands (I am not a fan of that) and explained to me that since he arrived to the wedding late, they ended up giving him the Presidential Suite. I quickly explained that I didn't care where he was staying as long as his moth flew away from my flame. Anyway, after my roommate had a brief skirmish with the bar staff for taking away her 1/2 drunk Bud Light, we decided to head up to one of the three boys' rooms to continue the drinking and conversation. I kept asking Handsome Atlantan if we could in fact rock the house up at the Presidential Suite, but he exclaimed that he had already cashed out his mini bar, so we were relegated to the room of the lay people (no punn intended). We sat around drinking red bull and vodka's out of wine glasses, searched for an i-pod, listened to Jay-Z, discussed whether everyone preferred "Her Pleasure" vs. "Shared Pleasure", and talked philosophically on the pageantry of SEC football. All in all a beautiful evening; however, Handsome Atlantan didn't seem to so much be contributing to the conversation as he was having side conversations with me about going up to the Presidential Suite. Once again, was I supposed to be impressed by the allure of the Presidential Suite? That this guy had some serious earning potential b/c he was staying in the Presidential Suite? Or did he just want to lay my ass out on the Presidential bed? After declining his invitation numerous times he said "hey, i've got some beers up in the room, why don't you go with me to get them, and i promise we'll come right back down". Okay so the emphasis on promise was supposed to make me feel more comfortable? In an effort to shut him up, i said "okay, let's go to the presidential suite?" Then he said "I'm not really staying in the presidential suite, it's just a larger room." Well then, what the hell am I doing up here with all you jokers anyway?
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment