One Hit Wonder

I met the Professor in the month of February at a party in Atlanta. We talked about music and what not, and I mentioned that the next time he passed through my hometown he should give me a buzz and we could go check out some bands at this new venue in town. Well, I never really heard from him until May, and he called to say that he wanted to come in town and take me out. Sounds good, right? I mean, the guy was extremely good looking and exuded a strong sexual vibe...and he was a former sociology professor. He got to my house, picked me up, and we went to the neighborhood restaurant down the street. All-in-all we had really good conversation and were having a pretty good time. Some of his friends came to meet us at the tail-end of dinner to have drinks and then we all decided to go to the bars. Well, the Professor and I took our own car and once we parked he pulled out a cigarette. No big deal, people smoke. It's okay. Well, the circumference of this particular cigarette appeared to be a little bit larger than most, and when the Professor lit it, he took a really large inhale. Okay, so apparently it wasn't a nicotine cigarette...he was smoking the weed out of a one-hitter. what? do people do this on a first date? Normally I am one to speak-up, but I was kind of shocked and didn't say anything. I'm also pretty sure proper etiquette is to offer the other person a puff on your pipe. No offer. And while I don't smoke, I was pretty offended. I just pretended I was ignorant to the whole situation, and then we went on to dance the night away.

So, do you let this get in the way of a second date? Ugh, I guess not. So the professor comes back to Birmingham to go out again. We went out to dinner with one of my best friends and her husband, and then out on the town. Well, what I didn't realize is that when the Professor excused himself for an inordinate number of times throughout the evening, he was taking his one-hitter with him. After a long night of eating and drinking I tend to pass out pretty early, which is exactly what I did. I woke up, Professor next to me, and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. What I saw before me was one of the most classic displays of the munchies...ever. Apparently while I was catching some Z's, the Professor was participating in a little pantry raid. There were multiple empty yogurt containers, a turned over cereal box...empty, wrappers from some frozen something from the freezer, and perhaps the best part was the red sauce smeared across the front of my microwave. I first was in awe, then I was laughing, but then I was pissed because I legitimately didn't have any food left.

We went out a couple of more times, but I knew that a wake'n'bake wasn't in my long-term future. The Professor and I talked on the phone one night, and I was telling him about my day or something completely insignificant to pass the time when suddenly there was complete silence on the other end of the line. "Hello?" I said, "Hello? Are you there? Hel-looooo?" Suddenly a choked up voice, as if in mid-swallow on the other end says "Sorry...I just took a really. big. hit." "Oh," I said. To which he responds, "This isn't going to work out, is it?".

"Uh. No"

Creepy 80's Video YouTube Dude Strikes Back

Remember the Hall 'n' Oats video I received a little over a month ago? Well, Creepy 80's Video guy has returned, with the following email:

Again, I hate to be a pest, but I just could not resist sending this to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55nTwg5NIPM

Do you really hate it? You really couldn't resist sending? Is there an unsubscribe button that I'm missing? First Hall 'n' Oats, now Bonnie Tyler, I think it's pretty safe to say that the Bangles "Eternal Flame" is next. Is this some form of courtship that I'm unaware of? Am I to be attracted not to the man, but to his selection of horrific music videos from the 1980s? I mean, these aren't even funny. You're not funny.