Elevator EavesDropping

When riding from the Lobby to Floor 27, I had the privelage of riding with two secretaries in my office. I obviously couldn't help but overhear their conversation over the domination of Anna Nicole Smith's death in the media. One turns to the other to say:

"I mean, I feel bad an all, but you know that baby is a whole lot better off no matter where it ends up."

I truly for the first time felt sorry for A.N.S - R.I.P.

The Way You Make Me Feel / The Age of Chivalry is Not Dead

I often write posts about misfortunes of being single, and the frequency at which I run into my ex-boyfriend. But I write this post for all of you ladies who, like me, are wondering when you're going to catch a break...don't give up hope. I too have been a victim (numerous times) of the recent male generation of non-door-openers, indecisive-restaurant-choosers, premature-sexual-advancers, never-call-you-backers and the i'll-give-you-10%-while-you-exhaust-your-psyche-with-the-other-90% 'ers.

When up in Nashville for New Year's Eve, I was re-acquainted with a guy (we'll call him Billy Jean) that I briefly knew while living in Washington, DC. I say "briefly knew" because the only encounter we had was at a party on Capitol Hill back in 2003 where we squared off at our self-initiated Michael Jackson dance-off (that's right, on the floor, in the round). One friend was touting my skillz, and another touting his. I can't help but think his shaming on the dance floor led to his eventual fleeing of the city. Anyway, determined not to have a disappointing/anti-climactic New Year's Eve, I decided to head up to Nashville, solo, where several of my Nashville-native/Vanderbilt friends from D.C. were renting out a bar to ring in 2007. Two of my guy friends picked me up before dinner to grab a quick drink at the bar, where we met Billy Jean, had a few drinks and several laughs. We we split up into separate groups for dinner and all rendezvoused for the soiree. While Billy Jean and I certainly had a great at the party, and shared lots of humorous stories, I wouldn't say that he nor I paid particularly close attention to the other throughout the entire evening. Although I did manage to work in FIVE smooches at midnight...him being one of them. Pecks, of course! Maybe he decided not to exhaust his energy on me that evening since my Clairvoyant ex-boyfriend (i know, I thought we were over this) decided to show-up - what? You don't know anyone here? You cross state lines and you still show up at the same party as me? The fact that I may or may not have gone home with the ex to start the new year off with a bang is beside the point....actually it has a lot to do with the point. I'll continue.

I spent New Year's day in my car traveling back to Bama, and I assume that Billy Jean spent his day traveling back to Chattanooga. Turns out that he was also spending his day tracking down my email address. When I returned to work on the 2nd I had an email dated on the 1st from Billy Jean telling me how much fun he had making me laugh and that he hoped to keep in touch. Talk about flattering. Well of course I responded with great zeal and offered to entertain him anytime that he wanted to visit the Magic City. After some rounds of emails that week, I was pretty excited about my new friendly relationship. That weekend I was driving up to Atlanta with Big Momma (my trooper of a friend who is 8 mos pregnant) for a bachelorette party. I looked down at my phone and noticed I had a message...wouldn't you know, Billy Jean not only tracked down my email, but my cell tell too! This definitely warranted a return call. I buzzed him back after getting situated in our hotel and just had the usual first chit-chat...not wanting to talk too long, so as to leave him hanging. Well, more communication led to another, and next thing I know he's asking if he can drive down to Birmingham to take me on a date!

I accepted the date, but as the time was drawing nearer I started to become nervous about where this guy was going to stay. I mean, he admitted himself that he knows nobody in this city. Do I outright ask? Was he presumptuous enough to think that he was staying at my place? Do I offer to put him up with a friend? Do I lay a pillow and blanket out on the couch so it's clear of my intentions? Well, next thing I know he's sending me an email telling me where we're going to dinner (Little Savannah, excellent choice) and that he's got a room at the Marriott. Not only did my wave of anxiety disappear, but wow, this guy has taken care of everything. Not only did he do the restaurant research on his own and pick a great one, but he also bucked up and got himself a hotel room because as he said "I am many things, but I would like to think that presumptuous is not one of them". Okay, so maybe this was a complete act, but I was totally buying it. The truly sad part of this whole situation is that I couldn't believe that such gentlemen existed...that his behavior was out of the ordinary, when actually it should be the total norm.

I am happy to report that the date was a smashing success, and whether or not Billy Jean was my lover for the night will remain between me and him. There has been a second date, and plans for future ones. So the point is ladies, fear not, you too can enter a dance-off and find your own Michael Jackson companion (okay, a less perverted, naturally preserved version) who will track you down even if you blatantly still sleep with your ex. While we may pimp ourselves out to the losers who go around breaking young girls hearts - - there is a Billy Jean out there for everyone who is ready to claim that you are the one.

For Booty or Worse

Recently I have been the victim of a few booty calls, ore more appropriately, booty texts (dang the age of cellular communication). I wonder how booty calls went down before cell phones/landlines were invented? is that when you would throw a rock at someone's window at 3:00am? And why does throwing a rock in the name of love seem so much more romantic?

After two bad decisions (made two months apart) to go home with my ex-boyfriend, I suddenly found that the booty calls/texts have been coming more frequently - more like two weeks apart. Please keep in mind that the previous bad decisions were made after running into each other in-person, which allowed for at least 20 minutes of face-time/awkward conversation, and the opportunity for the ole hand on the knee (universal indication for - you're going to come home with me - and isn't it sad that all it takes is a hand on the knee to completely melt you into makeout mode?). The recent phone calls/texts have been coming much later in the night, which to be honest slightly offends me. I mean, yes I may have gone home with you from a bar or party? But do you honestly think that I'll accept an invitation to meet you directly in your bedroom after no effort has been put forth? Okay…maybe, depending my point of desperation.

What exactly demotes one from bar hook-up to booty call category? I guess if I had actually granted a late night text request in the past, then I could understand. I guess a guy has to put himself out there, try, wait and see. My favorite, most recent attempt was over a week ago when I stupidly got into a text message exchange with said ex, until it finally climaxed to a 2:30 am phone call on a Thursday night. Secretly I was hoping it would be a booty call just so I could reject him to his face (or at least with spoken words, and not written). "I mean if you wanted to come over and huff my sheets, I would be okay with" - I bet you would. I laughed and gave him props for such a bold solicitation. Then he laughed and I thought that ended the booty call stint until...Pot Calls Kettle Black. My furiousness suddenly turned to flattery and desire this past weekend, when I found myself in a drunken stupor coaxing said ex for a late night rendezvous. Somehow it seemed okay if I were initiating. He accepted, and not very hesitantly for someone who hadn't just had multiple vodka-sodas and goldschlager shots(wha???)

What makes us fall into these damn traps. Is it the longing for the smell of Speed Stick? The comfort of just having another warm body in the bed? The cuddling the next morning while watching various MTV episode marathons? him buying you breakfast? the awkward conversation good-bye and wondering whether or not you even acknowledge what just happened? the anxiety of never hearing from the person again? or running into them a few weeks later pretending that you haven't seen each other in months and having more awkward conversations and perpetuating the cycle? Can it ever just be for the nookie???